While on the stitching retreat I also picked up where I left off in Julie Cameron's "Vein of Gold" book.  I am skipping some of the exercises that don't particularly fit in with my belief system.  I refuse to write fairy tales tearing down the people who have caused me pain and anguish in this world.  That is not what life is about, and it does not exorcise any negativity for me - it causes me to become more depressed when I dwell on situations like that.  Better to leave well enough alone and continue onto more constructive projects. 

What is left you wonder? Does this woman do it all? I don't think so. Like most craftspeople, I am the master of UFOs, or UnFinished Objects. Here are some of the projects I'm working on other than the hardanger dresser scarf previously posted on July 17th, 2007.

“Friends” - a cross-stitch picture on linen I may never finish. Too many shades of pink and blue for me!

 

A Stitchery Guild sampler project from several years ago now. I have no idea how to do the stitches!

 

Cross-stitch Christmas ornaments on linen for an upcoming sale.

“Leaves”, an original design created after a round of acupuncture.  It incorporates quiliting, beadwork, insertion stitching and goldwork. This is the first real art quilt I've done – complete with goldwork and beading.

I am not happy with the insertion stitches, and will probably rip out a couple rows to redo. But that isn't what bothers me about the piece. The bottom green bar is supposed to be a row of five goldworked leaves. The goldwork leaves I'm currently working on seem to be overtaking the piece and becoming the focal point. That is not what I want. Any ideas? I am thinking of gradually reducing the amount of goldwork to each side of the main completely gold center leaf.

 

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So there ends my creative journey at the moment. Hopefully posting these UFOs will encourage me to get cracking and finish them! 

I am looking forward to a lively continuation of my creative journey in future years. I have several projects underway and in the planning stages. I just have to stop writing this blog long enough to get to them!  So, until next time, good-bye!

THE END! (Bet you thought it would never come!LOL)

During the years I was learning to deal with my illness, I also took up quilting again. This time I put myself under the tutelage of a quilt guild. I started out hand quilting, but quickly realized, with everything I wanted to do, I simply did not have the time for that.

Helping others makes you feel good about yourself. This is crucial for mental health patients. I joined a hospital auxiliary and a quilting group that quilts for charity. Here are some of the quilts I have made:

A crib quilt for Lisa when she was little, before I was diagnosed. This is a mixture of cotton and polyester cotton fabrics, and hand quilted.

 

Here is one of my projects for the guild, a Majic Tiles quilt. By this time I had taken a machine quilting course and decided to switch to machine quilting quilts.

 

 

I often made small quilts for the girls of flannel, and they each received on made of blue jeans and cereal bags as teenagers. Here are a couple of quilts I designed myself. The blue and orange one I call Ocean Sunset. It was given to young mother in need of a little love and attention. Charity begins at home, with your immediate family and extended family. Then friends and others.

 

Here are a series of baby quilts I made for charity. This pattern is called Fan Blades. I used extra thick batting for these by accident. It was tough to machine quilt it without puckers developing as I sewed.

And a lap quilt for charity. This pattern is called Bento Box.

I took workshops through the Quilt Guild and learned to make this String quilt.

 

 

Another workshop taught me how to make this World's Fair crib quilt I am currently using for a wall hanging.

 

Quilting is fun, but can be expensive. I have ceased taking workshops because of the cost involved. I may be able to piece the tops from leftover scraps, but I still need to buy batting and backing. Those often set me back a fair bit. Some women in the guild piece the backs of the quilts as well as the front. I simply do not have that much cotton fabric in my fabric stash.

Still, I have several more quilting projects on the go. I will be quilting for a long while.

To be continued...

Throughout my illness I have used journaling as a means of working through emotions and issues surrounding my life. For awhile, after my diagnosis, I tried art journaling, but was totally frustrated. Then I switched to writing journals. I originally started with “The Artist's Way” by Julia Cameron. I find a lot of her content steeped in New Age and modern psychology, and am not happy with it, but the projects work for me. I simply ignore the stuff I disagree with. It sure would be nice to have a Christian version of this material published.

Using her idea of morning pages has made the biggest difference in my life.  I write about my creative life only though.  Otherwise I find I lose focus.  Morning pages have sparked a desire and determination to try something more or different. I now consider any and all creative endeavours fair game to write about and do.

Other books I've read to help me reignite my creativity are “Art and Soul: Signposts for Christians in the Arts” by Brand and Chaplain and “How to Grow as an Artist” by Daniel Grant.

Now I am embarking on another career...that of writing. I self-published my first book this spring called “Unit Studies – a how-to guide for homeschoolers”. It explores the different approaches one can take to teaching unit studies with children in the home setting.

One thing I don't seem to have a shortage of is unfinished manuscripts! I have several on the go and just need to focus on one at a time and complete it.

To be continued...

Aside from hardanger, I have also taken classes in Brazilian embroidery and goldwork. I especially enjoy goldwork and hope to do more of it in the future. It is very time consuming work though, and expensive. Here is a photo of my first goldwork piece. I started it at a Guild workshop.

A good place for supplies in Canada is Mrs. Twitchett's. In the US, try Nordic Needle.

To be continued...

Back to my creative journey...

While attending a stitch-in one day, someone mentioned the local Stitchery Guild and the Embroidery Association of Canada. I became a member of both.

This is the first hardanger embroidery I have ever done. It was a Stitchery Guild project one year. Hardanger embroidery comes from the Hardanger Fjord region of Norway. Traditionally done white thread on white cloth, it can now be done with vibrant threads and vibrant cloth.

 

This is a piece from a class I took. The pattern is a modification from “Hardanger Embroidery Favorites” by Susan Meier and Rosalyn Watnemo.

Here are a couple of kits I purchased from Carol Storie at Heartfelt Designs to work on. The first is called “Seasons”, and the second is “Hardanger Hearts”. Both are done on 22 count hardanger cloth with Caron Watercolors thread and DMC Perle Cotton. Both have beadwork on them, though it doesn't show well in the photos.

And here is my interpretation of “Hardanger Hearts” on a higher count Lugana cloth.

 

 

Here are some hardanger Christmas ornaments I stitched for Christmas presents last year.

I love hardanger embroidery and am designing my own original pieces now. I find the restraints inherent in designing stitchwork to be something I can handle.  Decisions are based on technical grounds more than anything for me.  Though I did not attempt designing stitchwork until after I had acupuncture for the first time, and found my creativity returning for brief periods.  I also have a group of women who help me when I design.  They have saved me a lot of grief!  Still, it is slow and laborious work, requiring a lot of practice pieces.  But that is what design in stitchwork is all about. 

I am working on that  hardanger dresser runner highlighted in my July 17th post "Hardanger Dresser Scarf" at the moment.

To be continued...

Paul and I are an abnormal statistic. Eighty percent of all married mental health patients end up divorced. We haven't yet, but we've sure come close! But there again, Mom's experience came to the rescue. We saw what life was like for divorced parents with mental illness - still in love but unable to trust or live with each other. We chose to try something different.

Life isn't easy when you can't trust each other like you used to. Paul worries about me and can't trust what I say. I can't blame him. I don't trust what I think! I've taken to writing a journal of my feelings about people I've met and talked to. That way I can go back to it later and confirm what did and didn't happen, when I appear to freak out, and when I seem normal and lucid. I've probably gone overboard on this, keeping more journals on different subjects than any person humanly should. In fact, Paul once complained to my doctor that I wrote too much! She disagreed. The good side of this is that it has improved my writing to such a degree I am now able to produce this blog.

I don't trust Paul to understand me enough to know what I need and provide it when I need it. So I've spent the last nine years educating him as to my needs and how to help me help myself. Edmund Bourne's book “The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook” has been instrumental in this.

Still, mental illness takes a hard toll on a marriage. I can handle it because I have Christ in my heart. God made me a problem solver, and very persistent. I recognize if you want any help in this world, you have to start by helping yourself. I don't know how Paul manages it, but I believe there is Christ in his heart too – even though he is on a different walk than me, isolating himself from a church family.

I read a chapter of Bourne's book every month. I simply couldn't absorb it any faster. Since then I have also used Bourne's follow-up book “Beyond Anxiety and Phobia”. These helped me reduce stress in my life, and come to know myself better. I confess I did not do the chapters in the order Bourne suggests. In fact, I did the topics I felt I had the greatest need of first. Bourne's book is great for learning to deal with stress and anxiety.

I found if I dealt with my fears through the Bible, then I could deal with the stress and panic related to delusions using Bourne's books. Once those were dealt with, I was able to reason with myself logically about my delusions. Questioning the situations I had imagined and if they could have happened. Many times I simply had to shake my head and say 'no'. They weren't realistic.

And when I've been tempted to think they are real, I ask myself “So what? Am I going to live my life any differently because of it?” The truth is no. I won't. I will still trust God. I will not be afraid because God is with me always. He will never desert me. He is on my side. I have no need to be afraid.  He wants only the best for me.  Anything else is from Satan and needs to be fought spiritually, as well as physically.

Verses found at my Gram's old home long after she'd passed away, gave me comfort, as they had her.  Such as the following...

and...


The light of God surrounds me,
The love of God enfolds me,
The presence of God watches over me,
Wherever I am, God is...

I have been aided greatly by Paul, who acts as a buoy to me in times of rough seas, and who goes to all my doctors appointments with me. In fact, I prefer to take Paul to see any professionals with me. I need his insight and perspective to keep me from worrying about things, even if I'm not delusional. Paul sees things differently and can ask the right questions of these people when I can't seem to think of them...thanks to brain fog induced by medication. He is instrumental in my learning to live with this disease on a day-to-day basis.

He has learned to nurture me in many ways. When I've had a bad day, he'll come home with flowers or offer to cook supper or take us out. When I need help making decisions and getting organized mentally, he'll sometimes work beside me and gently prompt me with questions to get my mind through the brain fog.   He doesn't talk down to me or patronize me. He is patient with me. He is relatively accepting of my trying new ideas and alternative health approaches to managing the disease. He supports, though reluctantly sometimes, lifestyle changes that will promote healing for me. Paul is very careful with money!  Not all days are rosy with Paul, and he is no saint, but he does make it much easier to manage the disease than it would be without his approach.

Away Rooms

When I told Paul I wanted to turn the basement into a studio, he didn't complain, even though it meant giving up his workshop area. He hadn't been using it for months anyway, and we needed to store Mom's stuff somewhere. He recognized I needed a space of my own in the house. He was right. He had an office, and I needed a place to call my own too. I took our guest bedroom in the basement and turned it into what I call a 'retreat room'. I've since seen architects call it an 'away room' – a place where you can get away from everyone else and just do your own thing. I use my room to spend quiet time with God, to write, to read, and to watch inspirational videos my mother taped.

Everyone can benefit from an 'away room', not just mental health patients. If you don't have a whole room, create a space in the corner of a room somewhere for quiet time and reflection. I used to use a chair in our bedroom, until the corner became too overcrowded. It really didn't have room for all my Bible study materials. The retreat room in the basement has fit the bill marvelously. A mother of eight children I know, used the closet/room under the basement stairs in her home. An away room or area can be wherever you feel alone and with God.

To be continued...