I am reading Lee and Leslie Strobel's "Surviving a Spiritual Mismatch in Marriage".  Sigh.  Can I ever relate.  I am seeing a lot of similarities in our situations.  Paul will not admit he has problems with my faith, but he does make it difficult to practice it...so I am "flying below his radar" as Lee said Leslie had to do with him.  Meaning I am having to do Bible study and prayer when he's not around or otherwise occupied...and definitely out of his sight.

In fact I find it interesting that Lee sees all this about himself now, but did not at the time it was happening.  This so descibes Paul.  He says he knows how important my faith is to me, and he can see it's helped me.  He doesn't resent me because he doesn't see it taking time from him.  I pointed out in winter it does.  I am often out nights to church groups.  He pointed out he had other things he wanted to do then anyway.  Which is true.  He's always on the computer doing things or watching TV.  So I guess he doesn't miss me much!  I am relieved.

The one area I really fall down in is in continuing to respect him.  I don't have the same values and priorities he does.  So I don't respect a lot of his decisions.  From my perspective, he's made so many bad decisions or avoided making decisions that needed to be made, that I simply don't trust him in that area anymore.  I realize that lack of trust is trickling into other areas of our relationship.  It is time to put a stop to that and just work on the common ground we do have.  Thanks for the tip Lee and Leslie! 

This is an excellent read for Christians married to non-Christians.  Paul isn't as angry on the outside as Lee was, but he has a more passive-aggressive nature.  Still, I am garnering a lot of ideas from the book, and it is helping me organize my thoughts and experiences about our relationship and my faith right now.  So I highly recommend "Surviving a Spiritual Mismatch in Marriage".

Another book club book, only this time I'm not waiting till the meeting to post!  This was a spellbinding book for me. I read from start to finish virtually non-stop. I too, have had various experiences of the other realm. This book brought back my memories of the love of God so clearly and plainly, I was in tears a lot of the time.  I can't wait to get to heaven!

I understand the author, Don Piper's, reluctance to share something so personal. It was 18 months before I could share my first experience with anyone, and then all hell broke loose in my life. Only the love of God has seen me through it all. But I also would be the first to admit I've grown tremendously since then.

"90 Minutes in Heaven" is about Rev. Don Piper's experience of being killed in a car accident, dying and going to heaven for 90 minutes, his recovery, and the effect it's had on his life and the life of others. It's a beautiful easy read that I highly recommend.  There is only one thing I'd like to say to Don, and that is a very heartfelt..."Thank-you!"  And to Cecil Murphey, who helped tell the story, thank-you for taking on this particular writing assignment!

I finished reading "What's So Amazing About Grace?" by Yancey.  I give it a so-so review.  I'd read it once, but I wouldn't read it again.  The message is good...if a bit overdone.  I was pretty tired of the book by the time I reached the end.  I'm not sure where Yancey actually draws the line in the sand on certain issues.  We are told in the Bible what we allow on earth will be allowed in heaven.   Yancey loves the sinner but hates the sin...that part I get and like.  But I think he confuses the issues a bit. 

He talks of the prostitute who thinks going to church is going to make her feel worse about herself.  I think that's kind of the point about Christianity...it opens your eyes and humbles you before God.  Making you want to do your Father's will.  Shouldn't people who come to church be expected to try and change their behaviour to be more suited to what Christ expects of us?  The fault is that we, as a church, do not lead people like that prostitute along the road she needs to go...repentance, forgiveness, cleansing and healing.  In fact, I'd hazard a guess, a good many Christians don't know how to do that for themselves, or have a clue how to support a person going through that process. 

I agree a lot of Christians are not as accepting as they could be, but some people are also not very teachable!  I know of people who have "joined" churches, not because they are Christians, but because they stand to gain somehow from the association.  I'm glad they attend and hear the Word...hopefully some day it will sink in.  Some of these people can be very difficult to deal with, especially when they start to make demands of the church and it's members with their own personal agendas.  Even Jesus wasn't above a rebuke when He viewed it necessary.  When thwarted, these people may ultimately leave the church, complaining about "legalistic and judgemental Christians" the whole way.  I think Yancey needs a reality check on his too simplistic version of why people don't join the church.

Most people I know who are not Christians are that way because they are rebelling against God.  They choose to misunderstand and misrepresent the Christians around them.  They are uncomfortable with the issues they feel they have to deal with when they are around Christians, or faced with the fact there just might be a God and Jesus is the only way to Him.  Just letting them know you are a Christian makes them defensive.  You don't have to do anything.  You just have to be... 

I have experienced this on a more personal front.  Paul does not go to church or profess to being a Christian anymore.  His reasoning...he saw two priests in a public argument.  Well, that just drove me further into my faith.  But Paul decided if the priests couldn't even get along (on a hot button topic by the way), why bother?  I don't consider that the priests' problem.  It's Paul's problem.  If people want to rebel against God they will.  That's what free will is all about.  You can find excuses to believe or not believe anything you want. 

One thing Yancey did get right...grace is the defining difference between Christianity and other religions.  And we are called to practice it...the biblical way.  I must admit, I really liked Yancey's stories.  Though I also think there were too many of them...obscuring his point oftentimes.  I do think Philip Yancey's book is a good read, if only just to think about.  And I recommend it to all thinking Christians concerned about their faith.

"If You Want To Walk On Water, You've Got To Get Out Of The Boat" by John Ortberg

I've put off posting a review of this book until the church book club met. I did not want to influence anyone's view of the book. Rather, I wanted to hear what other people had to say. It helps keep me real! Now the club has met, I'm ready to write.

This book centers around the story of Peter getting out of the boat in a storm to walk on water towards a waiting Jesus. Peter then begins to doubt and starts to sink, and Jesus saves him. Peter learns an object lesson about faith, as do the rest of the disciples waiting in the boat. The question Ortberg puts to us is do we have enough faith to step out of the boat and do the basics required of our faith? That is, to bring others to God?

I thought this book was a bit beneath me at first, considering my religious experiences, the fact I've survived this illness relatively well compared to most (thanks to God), I write this blog and am out there trying to deal with this issue within my own immediate family on a daily basis. But at some point you like to see some kind of feedback or get some sense of accomplishment. To me when I'm not accomplishing what I think I should, it's a sign I am not working in God's will, or I am doing something wrong in some way, or I am simply not meant to know the results of what I do. If I pray enough and study the Bible enough I usually find out what the problem is. Good Christian friends to talk to help too!

What shook me up was the idea that I might be sitting in a boat - my comfort zone - being a boat potato (comparable to a couch potato) for God. I certainly hope I am not! But then I asked myself why that concept upset me so much. Because when things upset me, I've learned it's time to look deeper. I found I am fond of making excuses not to do things for God. Things like "I'm too ill to do that...I'd never make it through and stay well." or "If I do that Paul will be really upset and I'll drive him further from God or me". How do I know these things in advance? I don't! No one knows the outcome of things except a prophet (I am not!) and God! A close scrutiny of my excuses told me Ortberg's book was worth a second look.

Ortberg suggests we can do three things to encourage us to get out of the boat: practice standing up for what we believe in a conversation, take on a new challenge, or express affection even though it may be hard for us. In my case I need to take on new challenges to grow. But I also recognize a growing need in apologetics - standing up for what I believe. I like the Internet because you can talk and very few people talk back! If they don't like your site, well they just move on! But is that an effective witness? It is good for supporting those already in and of the faith, but does it bring more people to God? And is that not what the Bible says the whole point of a Christian's life on earth is? To bring more people to God?

Ortberg also discusses finding your calling. He does not get into spiritual gifts, but does mention them, and suggests a "clearness committee" for helping you find your calling. I suggest if someone is serious about finding their calling, they follow this book up with a good book on spiritual gifts. "The Holy Spirit and You" by the Bennetts, and "Discover Who You Are" by Lifekeys are two of my favourites.

I found the questions Ortberg poses to help you find your calling interesting. He asked you to consider what you're afraid of, what frustrates you, what do you feel compassionate about, and what do you feel called to pray about. Using those questions I came up with answers I never would have dreamed of dealing with before. My main focus continues to be on women. So...

• I will be reading "Inside Islam" by Reza Safa, and praying for Muslim women,
• I am continuing to pray for family and my women neighbors,
• I am going to look into women prisoners of conscience,
• I will continue my work with senior women in the community,
• I will pick up my interest in gifted girls (as in fast paced learners),
• I will continue this blog for women wanting to practice good stewardship,
• I am looking at the plight of women in Canadian jails,
• I will continue to act as a voice piece for mentally ill women,
• I am also continuing to pray for the church and what I see happening there.
• I will be praying for anti-Christians,
• I am going to practice sticking up for God in my family unit, and
• study something on apologetics.

I'd say Rev. Ortberg gave me a lot to think about and do! I am hoping that I will be able to marry my stitchwork/fibrework/artwork with the above themes to cause people to think twice about the plight of women around the world.

I need to add, I am not a feminist in the sense of the Gloria Steinem et al. But I do believe that everyone is equal before God, both men and women, and as such, if we want heaven on earth, we are going to need to all be equal before each other. Being equal does not mean being the same. I means recognizing our inherent weaknesses and strengths and accommodating what we need for growth to be the best persons we can be in God's eyes. God is not after cookie cutter humans. He made us all different for a reason (sometimes I think it is to amuse him!), and in those differences lies our beauty. Let's not spoil it!

Ortberg also has chapters on fear and failure, as they are two big issues in staying 'in the boat'. Once you've tasted fear though, and you've got out of the boat, and you succeed, then it becomes easier to get out of the boat...your comfort zone has enlarged. The people at the book club meeting had real issues with these chapters. I, too, was a bit annoyed at being told things I already knew about myself, but those fears and failures did point out reasons why I react the way I do. It doesn't really lead me in a serious way to overcoming them...just tells me I should. But as a mental health patient, I know where else I can go for help - "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook" and "Beyond Anxiety and Phobia" by E. Bourne. I may end up rereading and doing some exercises from the chapters there.

Ortberg also discusses the importance of waiting on God. I don't know about you, but I'm often in a hurry and waiting is not high on my list of things to do. Especially unplanned waiting. I always like to keep my hands busy when I'm waiting. I take my knitting to the doctor's office. I take a book to read when I have to wait for people. I do loop errands to be more time efficient and reduce waiting times. When I'm shopping near Paul's work and it's near quitting time, I read at the library before picking him up and taking him home. Waiting is not easy for me.

But sometimes that's exactly what God is calling us to do. Wait and listen. I fill waiting time with learning activities. But more importantly with daily prayer time to listen to God, study of His Word, meditation - all these things are needed to really be sure you are hearing God's voice, and not the voice of self or Devil (who would love to distract you). Ortberg reinforced my decision to try Christian meditation.

And very fittingly Ortberg ends the book with a chapter on worshiping God. I love this chapter. It is one reason why I am embarking on my own personal goal of writing 100 praise words for God this Lenten season. This is a project our minister started with the children, but it is a very worthy exercise for all of us. It is hard to praise God if you do not have the vocabulary for it. I recognize I am weak in that area and need help. I try to spend every day giving God some kind of praise. He truly is a wonderful God, beyond all compare, and we are so fortunate that He chose us to be His children and live in His kingdom with Him. Glory be to God!

So that is my review of Ortberg's "If You Want To Walk On Water, You've Got To Get Out Of The Boat". I highly recommend everyone read it with an open mind, and when you are irritated, really ask yourself "why?", and then proceed to let him push you along in your growth as a Christian. Thanks for the push out of the boat Rev. Ortberg!